Today, singer/rapper Iggy Azalea released the official video for “Team,” the first song off of her upcoming album Digital Distortion. We watched it and now, alas, are dead inside. Once our world was full of color. Now there are only shades of grey... and Iggy Azalea. Weep for us and weep for Azalea, who deserves better (no matter what you happen to think of her).
Now, members of the living dead, we wanted to go back and find out exactly what happened to us. We wanted to explain to those of you who mourn us what caused our inner demise. Thus, we've picked out the 10 moments in “Team” that caused our souls with wither like flowers in the snow, and turned them into GIFs. Trust us, these little animated snippets make “Team” look way more lively than it really is.
You can flip through those moments below, and, if you really want to risk your own inner demise, watch the video above. God be with you if you do. As for us, we are in a place beyond hope. Bye.
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Everything was fine until she started rapping: “You gotta set the score right, call in Hans Zimmer.” Noooo. We died. And not like how we die for Rihanna.
But then, Iggy is dead inside, too. So deeply dead that she drives in a supercar at 100 mph half asleep with her eyes closed. She does not fear death, for she—like us—is already dead.
A large part of this video is spent casually, normally checking into airport security—a grey place where inner joy is ground to bitter ashes. It doesn't belong in a music video. Music videos are supposed to be a happy places.
Wait, more security check-ins? More putty-colored misery? We had an existential crisis when we saw this and the existential crisis won.
You're spray painting a multimillion-dollar plane with the help of extras from Kanye’s Yeezy Season 3 presentation and all you can think to write is “digital”? Iggy, you can do better. Also, how did you get those cans through security? They checked!
One cannot be bored with one’s own dancing. That’s not how dancing works. This is not dancing. This is something else—something that killed the child within us.
No. Make it stop. Now when we step in front of a mirror, there is no reflection.
Finally, the police show up to halfheartedly stop whatever Azalea was trying to do (we’re still not sure). Sure, it’s uncomfortable to see her thrown around, but it doesn't seem she cares.
The fact that the best dancing in this video was done at the exact moment the cops took Iggy away only makes everything worse. The sun is out, but the sky is black.
And so comes more dead-eyed acting from those dead eyes. Eyes that were once so bringht. Iggy, will there ever be another rainbow?