march horoscopes are here
what's in store for you as spring approaches?
illustrations by Liz Riccardi
My father, a psychiatrist, never mentioned astrology except once: He bemoaned being a Pisces, calling it the “dust bin” of the Zodiac. Though I didn’t understand it then, he was referring to the fact that Pisces is the final of the 12 signs and therefore likes the bit of dust, leftovers, and elements of the previous year swirling around—think of a closing montage in a film where clips of everything are edited together. On March 21, that closing montage seamlessly starts becoming an opening credits sequence for the new season of the zodiac, complete with cool music and the awesome new digital effects of Spring.
Time Marches (until it Aprils!) on and we are all just cosmic dust in the wind.
First off, Happy Birthday. It’s more your wont than any other sign to stop and reflect on the past year, as your birthday always puts the vacuum on the bag to suck the air out of the past to preserve your emotional leftovers for the future. And you can often see into that future, even if it’s a future that distorts and writhes. A recent viral moment seems rather Piscean: where we all saw the dress as white and gold, and then blue and black. For Pisces, the sea of luminous pixels can see both. Then, on March 20, the solar eclipse actually occurs in Pisces, which makes this a crucial moment and raises your visibility. Make decisions in your own self-interest, but also appreciate the extent that you make decisions in the name of community. In the immortal actions of Mookie—a character written and portrayed by Spike Lee, who happens to be born on the day of the eclipse, March 20—hurtle the trash can through the window of the pizza joint and Do The Right Thing.
“Take Me To Church” by Hozier (a Pisces) has been on the radio for a while now. The song is beautiful, and the message has been important for you. It has been a productive time, but also a meditative one where you are thinking about the big pictures to come. As the spell of this song lifts towards the end of the month, you will find yourself in an entirely post-organized, post-religious, atomized world. The greatest work of theater by an Aries might be the play Breath by Samuel Beckett. It’s a play with no actors. One critic wrote that it “takes only 35 seconds to perform” and is either “a sardonic comment on the brevity of life” or “a pretentious piece of nonsense.” The script of this play involves the stage lights swelling once, going up and down on a pile of un-monumental trash, with the audio of faint cries on either side of the light. You find this poetic, Pisces. On another note, think this means a good time for yoga? You are right, Aries. Stay flexible, and on March 8 (the date of the original London premier of Breath) make sure to inhale deeply, and hopefully smell the scent of some homemade chai tea.
As a bull, Taurus is used to staring off deeply into the horizon, and this might come in handy on March 5 because the full moon will be farther away from the Earth than usual. It has been dubbed a “micro Moon,” and you will draw power from it. You can detect the mellow tides of the micro Moon throughout your muscles. This time of year you should be feeling some relief: A lot is being asked of you, but you are able to muscle through it thoughtfully. Taurus during March is more open to seeing and understanding the injustice of the world than at any other time of year. Stick to your beliefs, but allow them to be the container that fills with the water of current events; in fact, it might behoove you to do something stubborn to protect yourself on March 15 during these said micro-moments. It’s a good time for one last hardy meal before spring grazing: I’m thinking big, buttery ratatouille or even a thick beef goulash if you are eating meat. Drink red wine on a couple of nights, and, though I am not sure how much you like all the drunken masses, enjoy a green beer on St. Patrick’s day.
Remember that song that has a sample that goes “been downhearted babe, been, I been downhearted babe” by a band called Primitive Radio Gods? That song was actually called “Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth With Money in My Hand,” and though we are thoroughly in a cell phone world, you might find yourself still with something personal to communicate, coins in hand, but faced with impenetrable surroundings. So go inside the phone booth, Gemini, and turn into Superwoman. Downheartedness aside, it’s really a swell time to be flexing your nascent insect wings in chrysalis. As you emerge from the booth, consider hugging someone—maybe a Leo buddy. Play the song “Drug Buddy” by The Lemonheads for a Leo this month and you won’t be sorry. I promise.
There is a particularly cold winter on the East Coast, right? I shouldn’t have to tell you to keep moisturized, wear bright clothes, and drink hot chocolate once in a while. Also: Be patient and read a book, even something light, even a glancing chapter. The full moon on the 5th will feel like the goddess giving you a call on your cell: It’s buzzing somewhere in your apartment and you can’t find it. Maybe you can hear the faint, muzzled ringtone. You will pat yourself down to check. There’s clarity in this dance. This month will feature a solar eclipse on March 20, and since your ruling planet is the moon, it means that you will be directly obscuring the floodlights. On March 14, Saturn (which rules your opposing sign, Capricorn) moves into retrograde and appears to stand still all the way through your birthday and into August. The reason I like this for you? The way of the Capricorn is “why work harder when you can work smarter?” and the fact that this energy appears the way it does in such a thoughtful time for you means that great inspiration might come amidst your hard work. I’m not just talking about the gym, although that too, but patience doesn’t always mean waiting around for an event. Inspiration is coming, so stay your course.
In the words of the Shakespearean soothsayer, “Beware the Ides of March!” Or, in your case, beware St. Ides malt liquor. Leo rapper Chuck D sued the Pabst Brewing Company for using his voice while Leo indie rocker Elliot Smith wrote an ode to being drunk on the stuff in a song called “St. Ides Heaven.” In an interview about why he didn’t approve of Ice Cube and Snoop doing commercials for St. Ides, Chuck D said, “You can be hardcore and be positive.” No question that Chuck D is a good role model for Leos. He also appreciated the true wacky genius brand of Pisces in Flavor Flav. The strength and ability to appreciate the Pieces runs deep in a Leo—I’m even thinking of Leo Andy Warhol discovering the two fish musicians Lou Reed and John Cale, and then helping them become the Velvet Underground. Stay hardcore and positive, Leo, whether you are working in the living room or living in the work room.
Ha! I knew it! I just checked Stella McCartney’s sign and she’s a Virgo! I’ve been thinking her designs are good, detail-oriented, humane. For McCartney, the decision not to use any leather or fur in her designs is because of her upbringing as a vegetarian on an organic farm, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Virgo qualities could work their way into an explanation too: The maidens of the harvest are agrarian in nature, which is why the Virgo gets such a reputation for their lust for labor. The wheat doesn’t separate from the chafe by itself; it takes a Virgo to be the simple judge of the good and bad practices. The firsts buds of late March can have hard times pushing through such beautifully lain Virgo concrete, but you have planted and germinated powerful mental seed under there, used all of your bio-dynamic witchcraft, and I predict that it will eventually bloom into a great spring.
Robust, beautiful Libra, ruled by Venus; even in the frigid weather, your planet is basking in warm waters of Pisces during the mid-month, which is a perfect excuse to give yourself permission to dream. It’s a good time for personal maintenance. Taking care of your feet might be nice even if it isn’t exactly sandal weather. Also, love is in the air: After this moon there will be balance in the waters. Picture a mossy rock in a gentle but rushing stream as the ice and snow start to melt, and an old-school bronze scale of Justice laying in the stream as water rushes over the two circular weighing platforms, gently jiggling the stirrup that connects them. Justice really becomes “just us” this month, with utter devotion to your best pals taking centerstage. If you have a chance to sing “Maps” by the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s at karaoke on March 14, do it. Do it regardless of your singing voice or gender. There’s no need to ask if its classic yet, it’s been a classic for a long time. Just like you.
Great things are happening for Scorpio. The immediate future looks like it will begin with the most extroverted version of you (also referred to as The Eagle) and start jumping backwards into yourself to reserve your energy. In your extroverted state, you are actually part of a group. You are sort of a ringleader, even. Underlying lust for control and privacy sometimes interfere with Scorpio’s other brighter leadership qualities. It really is something special to see Scorpio using their powers to keep a group ticking, an example being fellow Scorpio's Lorne Michaels’ role in SNL being honored after the show’s 40th anniversary. Enjoy your extroverted position on the 14th and your shyer shades on the 28th. Both are a part of who you are. Embrace them.
This message seems complicated, but the conclusion for you right now involves getting temporarily unhinged to reality in order to embrace the magic and wonder that makes up your intellect. Not what you can do or all that you are capable of, but get in tune with practicing and researching what you know, which seems like magic to the rest of the horoscope. The full moon on March 5 will especially be a time to shine, with its appearance in work-centric Virgo. If you have something big at stake, now is the time. You don’t need to be pushing others to do their best right, though you certainly excel at demanding quality from your compatriots. Don’t take this as a green light to lie, but this time of year requires your imagination even more than your truth.
At New York’s Guggenheim museum, On Kawara, a Japanese conceptual artist who happens to be a Capricorn, is being recognized with a career retrospective entitled Silence. In his most well-known work, the Today series, Kawara painted the day’s date on the canvas, one per day. By the time he died, he had painted nearly 3000 paintings in 112 cities. If each are seen as a separate work, they might not be taken seriously, especially in the eyes of Capricorns, who are always wanting to work smarter, but not longer. But the profundity of the work is not entirely in the concept but more in the fact that the paintings exist, and that each date seems exactly the same yet by their very nature they are unique. Capricorns, keep to your daily routine, guard it, enjoy it, meditate within it, make exceptions to it.
Aquarians always teeter on the edge of insanity and expertise, but stay confident that you still have a lot to offer right now, maybe even more as a group member than as a group spokesperson. It’s a good time to field notes rather than write journal entries. Things really are darting around you and catching light. Take note of New York's former Mayor Bloomberg—an Aquarian—who had somewhat of an endearing trait in his willingness to be the villain— what with his smoking bans and soda restrictions. Go for it with a grin, and take everything with a grain of salt. Now's also a great time for you to take a short trip. Look for affordable adventures you can drive to, and don't pack too much. Just water, SPF (even if the sun doesn't seem to be shining), and some snacks. Then let the experience speak for itself.