If you've ever watched Mark Ruffalo swell into that big hunky green mass called the Hulk and wondered what he's packin' in those Daisy Dukes, wonder no more. Friends, the inevitable Avengers: Infinity War sex toy collection is here to take your orgasm (and budding superhero kink) to infinity and beyond.
Geeky Sex Toys, the Australian sex toy maker that put C-3PO's face on the end of a golden butt plug, has released its Avengers-themed collection, Indulgers: Pleasure Wars. There's nothing I love more than a barrel-scrapping sexual pun, and this seven-piece line is bursting with them.
Let's see, we have the Arse Reactor, which is a butt plug with a glow-in-the-dark base akin to Iron Man's Arc Reactor. There's the ever-inventive, no-frills Captain Anal butt plug and an arrow-shaped dildo, modeled after Hawkeye's weapon of choice, called the HawkAss. Oh, and there's literally a fist-shaped dildo meant to mimic Thanos' giant gloved fist called the Infinity Fist. Thanos' may destroy the universe but this fist? It'll show you the universe, honey.
I guess those looking for a proper hammering by Thor are in luck, too. Geeky Sex Toys turned the handle of Thor's Mjolnir hammer into a dildo and dubbed it the Möan-lnir. Black Widow gets reduced to Fleshlight called Agent Getsmeoff, which feels a little gross but props for giving it a Russian-sounding punny name James Bond would be proud of. And finally, The Incredible Dong, the aforementioned giant (nearly 9-inch!) green dildo that puts to rest any speculation of what the Hulk looks like nude. I'm not mad at the name, but if you ask me, Geeky Sex Toys missed a serious opportunity to name this dildo the Hulkbuster, á la Iron Man's Hulk-defeating armor.
Anyway, happy avenging.