The 10 Hottest Dinosaurs At Jurassic Park

    Sexy, Sexy Sauruses

    by · June 12, 2015

    Photos via Universal Pictures

    As soon as the first paleontologists stumbled over the dusty bones of terrible lizards, humanity has been preoccupied with asking the unanswerable question about dinosaurs: Which one is the hottest? Not just spiritually good-looking, but full-on heartthrobs, ready to sweep our fleshy selves off of our feet.

    The question is eternal and perhaps unanswerable, but thanks to the Jurassic Park franchise, we have a better idea of what these beautiful creatures might have actually looked like. And with another chapter now written in the hallowed halls of dino/human experience, it’s time for us to ask yet again: Which dinosaur is most sexually attractive?

    Additional reporting by Lexi Nisita.

    Photo via Universal Pictures

    10. The Pterodons in Jurassic Park III

    “Whoa. Cheeky,” you might think, “Putting these protobirds so low on your list. Protobirds aren’t even technically dinosaurs.” You know what? Everyone loves the Pterodons, and we are here to bust your standards of physical beauty wide open. These ancient birds are overrated. But with their toothless beaks, why are they always trying to eat us? We have a hard time understanding their motivation, and there is nothing sexier than a mysterious dinosaur. That’s for sure.

    Photo via Universal Pictures

    9. The Baby T-Rex in The Lost World: Jurassic Park

    Who would have thought that this rising star is only an infant? Thankfully, hatch-date and age ain’t no thang for this injured hottie. Despite being born to famous parents, this little guy is hoping to achieve success on his own merits. And with such impeccable genetics, it’s safe to say this tiny fellow has inherited his parents killer good looks.

    Photo via Universal Pictures

    8. The Pachycephalosaurus in The Lost World: Jurassic Park

    Though Pete Postlethwaite (RIP) might have a hard time pronouncing this hunk’s tricky name, we know there is so much more to the dino with a “fat head and a bald spot.” This babe has got it where it counts—nine massive inches of solid cranial boning protecting its tiny, less-evolved skull. Pro-tip: Though the Pachycephalosaurus’ name means “thick-headed lizard” in Greek, it’s probably best not to bring that up in polite company.

    Photo via Universal Pictures

    7. The Gallimimuses in Jurassic Park

    Now, who is your No. 1 gal? The gallimimus, amirite? These slender ladies are hitting the grassy slopes and running right into our hearts. Some think the gallimimus is the Kate Upton of the dino world (those legs! That tail! Those strong, gorgeous intramandibular joints and heavy tail base!), so we are extra shocked she hasn’t landed herself a SI swimsuit issue yet. If you aren’t careful, this delicate flower is going to flock your way.

    Photo via Universal Pictures

    6. The Spinosaurus in Jurassic Park III

    You know it, we know it: The Spinosaurus is the Tyrannosaurus Rex’s younger, hotter, spinier sister. The only thing more exciting than having a hot-to-trot T. rex show up at your door at 3 a.m. is if you suddenly stamped a long, fan-like series of spines on its back. Some scientists think that the spines were covered in fat and formed a hump, meaning that the Spinosaurus has some lovely lady lumps.

    Photo via Universal Pictures

    5. The Sickly Triceratops in Jurassic Park

    Or should we say, “sickly,” emphasis on the quotes. You know baby girl is just playing hard to get, Snapchatting you “omg bae im sooo sick just wanna sleep but can u bring me soup?!?” And you know when you get over there she’s going to surprise you with a hot dino outfit and dino candles and a seductive dino evening, and that soup is going to be very, very cold before anybody remembers that’s why you came over in the first place. Be careful, though, because she does like to eat dem berries.

    Photo via Universal Pictures

    4. The Indominitus Rex in Jurassic World

    This genetically engineered goddess isn’t just known for her OTT ’tude, but she’s also really embracing body positivity—it’s so great to have a curvy girl on this list! Even though she is entirely made up and a horrible metaphor for what happens when hapless scientists play God over a nature they barely understand—look how shiny she is.

    Photo via Universal Pictures

    3. The Original T-Rex In Jurassic Park

    You know, sometimes there are flavors du jour, and then there are the Angelina Jolies, the Marilyn Monroes, the Lauren Bacalls—those classic goddesses to whom we bow down, prostrate ourselves in front of true beauty. These other baes come and go, but Ms. Rex: We’ll always be looking longingly at our sedentary glass of water, forever hoping to witness the ripples of her approach.

    Photo via Universal Pictures

    2. Dilophosaurus in Jurassic Park

    This petite babe is the Photoshop disaster of the dinosaur celeb world. Though it uses poisonous saliva against one Dennis Nedry, there is in fact no evidence that the Dilophosaurus or any other dinosaur had that ability. But we know that Dilly is a beautiful, confident dino just as she is, with her luxurious frill demonstrating how flawless truly is with in perfect, face-framing layers. That said, don’t be fooled by her playful ’tude and spritely demeanor—this one’s a killer, fellas!

    Photo via Universal Pictures

    1. Raptors!

    Clever, clever girls.

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