Trying to score a date with discerning Virgo can be nothing less than intimidating. The sharply observational sixth sign won’t pass up a chance to investigate and analyze each and every prospect and suitor who steps up to them, which can sometimes feel like an invasive probing of your character, values, and personal history on a microscopic level.
It’s not that these super-grounded earth signs aren’t romantic or fail to prioritize love; to be sure, pure Virgo the Virgin is one of the most romantic, idealistic signs when it comes to the fantasy of love. Virgo-born folks are notoriously old-fashioned in their hopes and dreams of true love and partnership, swept off their feet by sweet, honest simplicity and dashing by-the-book dating. Vanilla? Hardly. Virgo is turned on by what works logically for them in their lives, which means these practical perfectionists keep ironclad standards and shy away from putting their (hidden) sensitivity on the line for a risky character. Shy and reserved, Virgos are notoriously hard to get close to, but if you can break through their chastity belt-like defenses with patience and fairness, these upstanding intellectuals make incredibly warm, gentle lovers, balanced partners, and unparalleled caretakers.
Ahead, everything you need to know about sidling up to Virgo, the zodiac’s loveliest brainiacs.
Dating + Hooking Up: The Virgo Approach
Notoriously picky and selective, Virgos have no problem with remaining single until someone comes along who checks all the boxes on their list. And that’s no euphemism—you’d better believe these meticulous and thoughtful earth signs have made an actual list of the ideal characteristics of a partner or lover. (In fact, they’ve probably made several lists, no exaggeration.) This methodology works well for selective Virgo to protect themselves and their strong personal integrity, but only if their standards aren’t unrealistically harsh or lofty. Virgos can become overly critical to a sadomasochistic degree, sending otherwise perfectly wonderful admirers to the chopping block over minor flaws and minuscule slip-ups (sometimes imagined ones, even), leaving the Virgin cold in the game of love.
For this reason, Virgo-born folks tend to be polarized between being serial monogamists and eternal singles, happily. Short, substance-free flings and one-night stands do nothing for Virgins, and will often turn into long-term relationships—despite Virgo’s best efforts to let loose and try something NSA, it will usually turn into something more. As caretakers and excruciatingly logical minds, Virgos become involved rather easily due to their serious views on duty and responsibility. And as creatures of extreme habit, trusted sameness, and routine in relationships and day-to-day life is Virgo’s coziest comfort zone. These signs are reliable and expect you to be, too.
Casual dating is difficult for Virgo to get into, mainly because first dates can be so agonizing for shy, usually introverted Virgins. Even for the ones that don’t seem timid or reserved, most Virgos deal with some level of nervousness, ranging from obvious jitters to crippling anxiety. Virgo blushes and embarrasses easily, so naturally, first dates just aren’t this sign’s forte. Consider yourself extremely lucky if you’re able to get past date number one with picky, wide-eyed Virgo.
Earth signs like Virgo are known for their traditional streak and are attracted to old-fashioned, even conservative approaches to dating. Don’t even think about making a big deal out of them publicly or shoving them into the spotlight, jumbotron, or onto a karaoke stage—Virgo would like to remain as inconspicuous as possible, even if they’re a diamond in your eyes. Forcing them out of that comfort zone and into a risky space where they could be humiliated or exposed is a surefire way to send the Virgin running for the hills.
Each person’s individual astrological makeup can be found in a natal chart, which outlines the positions and aspects of the planets, houses, and signs in the heavens at the exact moment and location of your birth. Everyone on earth possesses a personality that’s comprised of all 12 zodiac signs, which makes your sun sign (or “native” sign) less important when looking at the bigger picture. Statistics don’t lie when it comes to how astrology can strengthen interpersonal chemistry. Astrologers look to several factors in determining who you’re compatible—or mismatched—with, including your sun sign, rising sign, and where Venus places in the chart, among many other things.
Those born when the sun was in the sign of Virgo the Virgin (roughly from August 22 to September 22), as well as people with a Virgo “rising” or ascendant sign are earthy, routine-driven folks who prefer to stick to their comfort zones at all costs. Virgo is blissful and completely in their element (literally) with other earth signs, especially sarcastic and sharp Capricorn and gentle, grounded, good-timin’ Taurus. Other Virgos, of course, are excellent, as these signs prefer to stick with personalities they intrinsically understand. Water, which nourishes and helps to change the element of earth for the better, also make supportive matches for Virgo, especially motherly Cancer the Crab and exacting, intense Scorpio, who will intuitively understand Virgo’s oddball idiosyncrasies and ask zero questions. Pisces, Virgo’s exact polarity on the wheel, is also a match made in heaven as these chill, dreamy Neptune-ruled water babies allow Virgo to unload their tension and frustrations and relax into an imaginative world they aren’t usually adept at creating solo. Because Virgo shares Mercury as a ruling planet with Gemini, this can often be a wild-card match. But more likely, Gemini, an air sign, will kick up Virgo’s earthy mental dust, and each will drive the other crazy.
Driven By Desire: What Virgo Wants
For so many reasons, it’s an easy cop-out to categorize pure and simple Virgo as cold, aloof, and even boring, but Virgos are some of the most considerate, thoughtful partners and warm, gentle lovers around. These signs are misunderstood to the max when it comes to their interpersonal functions (much like their ultra-compatible and wildly misunderstood friend Scorpio), but the truth is that they simply excel at holding their cards close and keeping a dignified poker face at all times, lest they expose the electric circuitry of their brilliant, overactive minds’ never-ending analysis process.
The sixth sign is all about substance and logic, so these folks are always on the lookout for the real deal. Often, this means finding someone who is as compatible with their family as they are together as a pair. Virgo is old fashioned in that way and will almost always defer to their family for the final read and verdict on a potential long-term partner. More than anything, though, Virgo searches for a soul who can match their intense brainpower and intellectualism, especially when it comes to holding their own in conversation. Or at the very least, these signs desire a non-judgemental, empathetic personality that won’t ask too many questions about their strange habits and O.C.D. tendencies and certainly won’t make fun of their little “rituals” of getting things done.
Like everything in Virgo’s life, they are set on finding things that work and function logically in the orchestra of their lives. At the same time, Virgo’s classic servant’s heart dictates that they usually prefer to be the primary caretaker to their love. These signs need to feel that they are needed, which can sometimes suck Virgo into unhealthy, unbalanced relationships with wounded birds and tragic fixer-upper types that will ultimately crash and burn once Virgo hits their limit of nonsense.
Pursuing Virgo isn’t always the most easy task, unless you possess the patience and empathy of a saint. The first thing that Virgo will notice almost every time is appearance, specifically taking note of how neat and tidy your clothes and personal hygiene are. That seems gross and obvious, but Virgo is so detail oriented and harsh in their observations and judgements that they will become completely turned off by an errant piece of food stuck between your teeth, a fur-filled sweater in need of a lint brush, or even a hair out of place. Virgos are known to have sensitive noses, too, so body odor (ew) or too much fragrance will seem nothing less than offensive to these signs.
How you present yourself is everything to Virgo. They are drawn to classic, simple dressers or an earthy, pure sense of style. Virgos detest ostentatious outfits and loudness in general, as they despise being singled out or shoved into the spotlight of attention. If they’re on the arm of someone who sticks out like a sore thumb, they will too—and that just cannot happen. You must approach Virgo with gentleness and a conservative, modest vibe or else you will absolutely make them so nervous that they will need to get far, far away as fast as possible.
Conversation is the way to Virgo’s heart, and many times dates with these signs feel more like interviews than hang-outs. That’s okay, your Virgo isn’t being cold or aloof—they’re simply listening carefully. These brilliant brainiacs do not like to talk about themselves or reveal too much too early, but they do love to listen, so come prepared to talk about a myriad of fascinating topics. Try not to ask too many personal questions right off the bat; Virgo perceives judgment very sensitively and won’t be pleased if you poke them or prod them in any way that resembles criticism. Be warned, though, Virgo doesn’t miss a beat when it comes to their analytical prowess, so they are watching and listening to everything you say and do together to be certain that they are making the correct (read: logical) decision with their hearts (and time).
Because Virgo likes to remain inconspicuous, they don’t really like the idea of obvious “dates.” Virgo will embarrass at a pin’s drop, so they like to keep things casual and blend in. Even better, Virgo the Virgin is drawn to natural simplicity and the purity of the earth, so nature trips and time spent in beautiful, natural environments is time well spent together and an excellent method of getting these modest signs comfortable and relaxed enough to open up to you. Once Virgo begins to talk about themselves in more detail and expose their secret wit and golden sense of humor, you know you’ve made it past Virgo the Virgin’s notorious gauntlet of gates guarding their heart and reputation.
Getting Down: Sex with Virgo
Don’t get it twisted: Virgo is no slouch in the sack. Certainly, their symbol, the Virgin of the Summer Harvest, is deceptive as Virgo is definitely not a prudish sign. Modest? Absolutely. Freaky in bed? Sometimes! Virgo’s predilection for purity doesn’t relate to their views on sex and sexuality, but rather their sky-high standards for whom they bed (and wed).
Virgos aren’t the most leadership-oriented when it comes to the boudoir, so they appreciate an aggressive lover who can take the reins and control the situation. That is, once they’re comfortable with you. These signs don’t like to be pressured, so please, don’t be creepy or overly sexually suggestive before you’ve connected. Virgo’s passion is a quiet one, so don’t be surprised or discouraged if you don’t get much feedback en coitus—no news is good news! Likewise, Virgo will be the first to use the safe word or simply tell you to stop if they don’t like something.
Once Virgo is comfortable with their partner, the sex can sometimes be relentless as Virgo’s mantra is “practice makes perfect.” This can occasionally lead to a mundane, less-imaginative sex life of routines and habits, which can thrill some (hello, Capricorn and Scorpio) and bore others (whomp, Pisces). Virgo is all about finesse of technique in the sack, which means they’ve got their one ~*thing*~ they’re really, really good at, like oral or a habit of running fingers through hair and the like. Like all earth signs, Virgos are physically sensual and substantive when it comes to the human touch.
More often than not, Virgo is thinking about how best to improve their sexual techniques and perfect their, uh, stroke during sex, rather than focusing on expressing their emotions physically. That doesn’t mean they aren’t passionately outpouring during their lovemaking, they’re just super-reserved and nervous about being “extra.” For some Virgos, the messy side of sex is a big downside, but for some others this can be incredibly thrilling as it deviates from their meticulously clean sense of hygiene and overall being, like a dirty little taboo.
Most commonly, though, Virgos prefer quietness and calm after sex, which for some seems weird and cold and for others endearing and sweet. Don’t be surprised if your Virgo boo falls fast asleep or hops up to watch TV in the living room nude. Virgos sometimes keep post-sex snuggling to a minimum, opting to quietly analyze and think about their “performance.” Though, if you’ve been together for ages and are in a “routine” of sorts, Virgo will be sweetly affectionate with kisses and nuzzles, then make sure the right program is on television, the right book on the bedside table, and the right cup of coffee in your hands afterwards.