mindy kaling goes to college

the best lines from her harvard commencement speech.

by liza darwin

In our dream world, Mindy Kaling would be our best friend (OK, in a friend group alongside Tina Fey and Amy Poehler together). That probably won’t be happening anytime soon, but we’ve just found the next best thing. The Mindy Project star delivered the commencement address to Harvard Law School over the weekend, and in true Kaling form, she was totally on-point: witty, self-deprecating, and romantic. Granted, this romance was a fake one with a Harvard Law prof named Noah Feldman, but still….

So rather than break down the life lessons, we’re letting Kaling tell it to you herself. Check out the best lines from her speech below, and see what she has to say about the “Clint Eastwood school of law,” nerdiness, and why dreaming is just as important as a degree. Then, watch the video here! 

1. “I’ll have you know, I do know a ton about the law…because I sue everybody.”

2. “Finally… I rolled up my sleeves, sat down at my computer, and tried to buy a commencement address off of movingcommencementspeeches.com. My credit card was declined.”

3. “Actually, in my mind, law is that pesky thing that often gets in the way of justice. I believe in the Clint Eastwood School of the Law. An eye for an eye? I don’t think so. That solves nothing. You take my eye, I take your life, my friend, in a duel, Aaron Burr-style.”

4. “Elle Woods went here, from the trenchant documentary Legally Blonde. It’s a very moving film. Dean Minow, you should check it out after you read my book.”

5. “Except here’s the difference: you are the nerds who are going to make some serious bank, which is why I’m here today—to marry the best-looking amongst you.”

6. “You will spend hours arguing that the well water was contaminated well before the fracking occurred. […] One of you will help me sort out the details of my pre-nup. A dozen of you will help me with my acrimonious divorce.”

7. “This institution is going to haunt you, no matter how many diners you eat at, no matter how many guitar solos you do with Rascal Flatts, you are Harvard Law to the grave.”

8. “Celebrities give too much advice, and people listen to it too much. Actresses can become nutritionists, experts in baby care and environmental policy. Actors can become pundits, or even high-ranking officials in religions made up a mere 60 years ago.” 

9. ”You are responsible for the language of justice, for the careful and precise wording in all those boring contracts that I sign while I watch Real Housewives.”

10. “You wrote the Terms and Conditions that I scroll through quickly while I download the update for Candy Crush. Terms and Conditions are the only things keeping us from the purge, everybody. I don’t read them—I just hit Accept. iTunes may own my ovaries for all I know.”