Ah, the hangover. No matter how many mornings are spent cursing the sky and mumbling “I’m never drinking again,” they can be hard to avoid.
Sure, there are plenty of ways to stave off that grasping-for-water-from-your-deathbed feeling the night of, but what about those surprise after-work w(h)ine sessions over “tapas” that are actually just chips? Before you know it, the hangover monster has joined the party.
For most people I know, a bacon, egg, and cheese supplemented with a Gatorade is their morning-after go-to. Respect. But I’ve found that grease and sweeteners can make things worse. I’ve been known to invoke the spirit of St. Bibiana (the patron saint of hangovers, duh), but she doesn’t always show. So for the good of the people and with some help from my crunchier friends, I’ve tracked down some witchy cures that deserve a test run.
I wasn’t surprised to find combinations of water, apple cider vinegar, turmeric, lemon juice, cayenne, and honey throughout my search. You might know it as the “master cleanse,” but just one glass will work wonders. Turmeric reduces swelling and pain, and cayenne stimulates your groggy body. Lemon boosts the healing process by making your body more alkaline, and apple cider vinegar and honey work to dissolve toxins and pump you up with the minerals you need after dehydration.
You can buy a potion like this bottled and concentrated, and it’s a serious kick in the ass. Personally, I like it on any morning.
Ginger in all forms
There’s a reason ginger ale was a stomach flu staple growing up. Raw ginger, ginger powder, and strong ginger beer all settle your stomach.
Some naturopathic and pagan forums recommend chewing and sucking on a ginger root throughout the day to help curb nausea. Stock up on it in case of emergency—this root has a great shelf life!
Soak it up
If you have some time to wallow, swap out a shower for a detoxifying bath. Grab essential oils, Epsom salt, or a clay-based bath blend and soak your regrets away. Any and all of these will help flush your system and relax sore muscles so you feel like a person again.
My delightfully witchy co-worker swears by this one. I was taken aback by the name, but the testimonials don’t lie.
The herbal supplement helps your liver process alcohol quickly, and safely. If you plan your debauchery in advance, take one before and after going out for maximum results.
Either with or instead of traditional pain medicine, crystals can alleviate pressing headaches, with their powerful energy and natural coolness.
The crystals to have on hand are lapis lazuli (blue) and clear crystals like selenite and quartz. Place them on your face and head while you’re lying down—and if your crystals have points, direct them away from your body!
A special cup of tea
The internet agrees: dandelion root is miraculous. It relieves cocktail-induced stomachaches and jump starts your liver like milk thistle. The most common way to consume it, luckily, is a calming tea. The heat will be healing in itself.
Other teas to try include burdock, cat’s claw, and assorted pepper teas.