Every March, it comes around, and every March, bartenders everywhere are afraid. Yes, St. Paddy’s Day, whether we actually regard this day as an actual holiday or not, is the national day to get wasted (well, except for NYE and Halloween). And, as someone who has spent 10-plus years behind the bar, I can attest: the people don’t hold back. Throwing back pint after pint followed by shot after shot in the name of a heritage that is not yours is, well, an American pastime that I, as a bartender, try my damnedest not to loathe. Am I right or wrong? Doesn’t matter, this is just one drink slinger’s opinion on how to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day in the most considerate way possible... and without annoying your fellow revelers.
How Not To Be An Asshole On St. Patrick’s Day
take it from the bartender
illustrated by Ricky Michiels
1. Don’t drink the green beer.
Especially starting from the moment when you wake up. There’s plenty of time to celebrate. Just take your time and be conscious to the general public around you. Some folks are headed to their respected workplaces or have obligations to take care of. And let’s be honest. Beer dyed with food coloring is just gross. (Maybe I am biased, however, since my city of Chicago insists on doing the same thing to our entire main waterway.)
3. Don’t order Irish Car Bombs.
Sometimes it’s astonishing how little Americans know about The Troubles, an era that had families torn when Northern Ireland was set against its United Kingdom-friendly South, and that still haunts the streets of Belfast to this day. In Ireland, car bombs were a real thing to fear—they took many lives. Here, it’s a fun type of shot, devoid of any historical meaning or significance other than the fact that it contains Guinness, Baileys Irish Cream, and Irish Whiskey. It’s actually a really shitty way to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.