Good news for everyone who broke up during quarantine (or as soon as they got vaccinated) — there’s now an app to help you get your stuff back from your ex. Ani Acopian, Suzy Shinn, and Brian Wagner are three heroes went through breakups and channeled their feelings into creating Postdates, which lets you pay someone to retrieve your toothbrush and old sweatshirts.
Postdates, a parodied name of a similar-sounding delivery app, is, in fact, a real service — at least in New York City and Los Angeles for a limited time. Salacious, question-prompting and extremely useful, it’s the kind of app people joke about creating but never actually do — until now! (Postdates’ FAQs include the questions “Is this for real?” Answer: “Yes.” “Why did you do this?” Answer: “Because no one else did?)
To get your stuff back, or to give your ex’s stuff back, you select the type of relationship you were a part of (existential crisis!) and either select from the list of suggested items. For someone you casually dated, that could be a camera, Glossier lip gloss, or a mixtape, while Seriously Dated could be a house key, a chess board, or Aesop bath products. Friendzoned? You can get back your muffin pan. You can also list the custom items you’d like to get back. (Ahem...Lululemon leggings.)
Postdates will then reach out to your ex via an automated text to see if they have the items and are willing to let them come pick them up or are willing to accept the delivery for items you’re returning. They have 12 hours to agree and you pay after the request is accepted. Delivery starts at $25 in LA and $30 in NYC. Postdates will not deliver or pick up pets, drugs, alcohol, or weapons, and there doesn’t yet appear to be an app for cat custody issues. Postdates also won’t break up with your partner for you. Sorry.