There are some things in life that universally no one asks for—mosquitos, pointless reply-all emails, sketchy fan-made videos, etc. So when we saw a video made back in 2012 that Uproxx unrooted recreating the infamous tampon scene from Fifty Shades of Grey using The Sims, speech bubbles, and Microsoft Paint illustrations, we knew that this was a creation brought to us not by any means of supply and demand, but by destiny. The Internet works in mysterious ways.
In the notorious scene, Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele get it on in the bathroom, not in spite of Ana having her period, because she has her period. Their shockingly straightforward interaction goes down like this, as quoted from the book by Pajiba:
“When did you start your period, Anastasia?” he asks out of the blue, gazing down at me.
“Err… yesterday,” I mumble in my highly aroused state.
“Good.” He releases me and turns me around.
“Hold on to the sink,” he orders and pulls my hips back again, like he did in the playroom, so I’m bending down.
He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string… what! And… gently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy fuck. Sweet mother of all… Jeez. And then he’s inside me… ah! Skin against skin… moving slowly at first… easily, testing me, pushing me… oh my. I grip on to the sink, panting, forcing myself back on him, feeling him inside me. Oh the sweet agony… his hands clasp my hips. He sets a punishing rhythm - in, out, and he reaches around and finds my clitoris, massaging me… oh jeez. I can feel myself quicken.
“That’s right, baby,” he rasps as he grinds into me, angling his hips, and it’s enough to send me flying, flying high.
“Oh jeez” is right.
It’s hard to say whether the action of the scene or the writing is more jarring, but we’re grateful that we will be spared from seeing Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson recreate the tampon action, which will not be appearing in the upcoming Fifty Shades film. Granted, if you still need to get your fix of the infamous interaction, never fear: The Sims are here to reenact every dubious act you could ever imagine. That’s right, baby.