Maximum Cozy Vibes: Instructions For Escaping From This Cold World

Hunker down

It's a cold world out there. Not only is winter starting to rear its ugly head, but also, maybe you noticed just who managed to get elected as the President of the United States and is inspiring terrible, hateful behavior all over our country. It's beyond scary. Kind of makes you want to curl up under a big pile of blankets and never leave your room. And you know what, I think maybe you should do just that. At least for a little while. Take shelter from the cold weather and this political shitstorm and decompress. "Treat yo self," as they say, to some maximum cozy vibes. We all deserve to hide from the world sometimes to recharge our batteries before we gear up to keep fighting. Here are our detailed instructions for doing so.

You’re going to want to start off with establishing the base for your coziness, which we’ll refer to as your “nest.” Obviously, your bed is the first place that comes to mind for this, but sometimes it’s nice to mix it up. Like with this giant furry beanbag.

Pottery Barn, Llama Faux-Fur Beanbag, $199, available at PBteen

Or what about an indoor hammock? Swing yourself into relaxation oblivion.

Swing, Hanging Hammock in white, $36.95, available on Amazon.

Fill your nest with the softest, fluffiest, warmest things you can find, like this blanket.

Ohhio, Large Chunky Knit Merino Wool Blanket, $698, available from ohhio on Etsy.

And more blankets.

Amber Fox, Faux Fur Throw in Champagne Fox, $179.99, available on Amazon.

Rest your weary head, child.

Urban Outfitters, Shearling boo pillow, $129, available at Urban Outfitters.

And more pillows.

West Elm, Mongolian lamb pillows, $79-$169, available at West Elm.

And one more giant pillow shaped like a carrot that you can spoon because human interaction is overrated.

Jumbojibbles, Four-Foot Long Carrot Body Pillow, $100, available from jumbojibbles on Etsy

Okay, so now that you have your cozy nest set up, you’re going to need an outfit. Typically, when I’m being cozy, I try to stick strictly to underwear.

Econica, Organic Sherpa Underwear and Bralette, $28 each, available from econica on Etsy.

Chilly in just that underwear? No problem. Just throw on this insanely cozy hooded alpaca wool sweater.

Lauren Manoogian, Capote Coat, $560, available at Bird.

Okay, so underwear lounging not your vibe? Suit yourself. Let us recommend this amazing pink tracksuit that says “Brutal” on the butt instead. Cozy and sassy.

Galore, Pink Velour Hooded Track Suit, $54 each, available at Missguided.

Cold feet are not conducive to coziness. These slipper socks are faux-fur lined and basically feel like two very small polar bears climbed into your socks and are cuddling your feet.

Lemon, Nonas Slipper Socks with Faux Fur Lining, $25, available at Nordstrom.

These are basically the god damn Rolls-Royce of slippers. They had me at “soft leather, wool-lined, cushioned insoles,” BUT THEN, I realized there’s also detachable rubber soles for when you need to run downstairs to get your Seamless order or walk the dog or whatever. Absolute genius.

Mahabis, Luxe slipper in Borsen Beige, $185, available at Mahabis.

And sometimes maybe you’re feeling cozy but still fancy, so you’ll need these.

Abigail, Faux Fur Platform mules in Pink, $44.99, available at Public Desire.

You don’t want your bottle of wine to catch a cold!! Bundle that baby up with a koozie.

Unicorn on the Cob Coozie, $11.99, available in the NYLONshop.

What’s more empowering and relaxing than giving yourself a head massage? Literally nothing.

Sweetflag, Copper Head Massager, $12, available at Sweetflag.

If you’re spending a lot of this relaxation time on your phone, a fuzzy phone case is essential for max cozy vibes.

Krystaleeblingology, Bunny Rabbit Fur Ears Phone Case, $29.99, available from krystaleeblingology on Etsy.

The good witches at Crystal Cactus made a perfect room mist to induce sweet, dreamy afternoon snoozes in your cozy nest. Key ingredients include lavender, valerian hops, peppermint, patchouli, orange, basil, rainbow moonstone, amethyst, filtered water, and magic.

Crystal Cactus, Dream mist, $23, available from Crystal Cactus.

Oh, the silky sleep mask. A timeless symbol of luxury and relaxation. An absolute must.

Catbird, Cat Eye Sleep Mask, $24, available at Catbird.

Eating in bed is so essential to maximum comfort levels. Now, let me suggest avoiding crumbly snack food like chips and crackers and all that. Not only are they just not that good, but they also literally will get crumbs in your nest, which is gross. Opt for, like, actual full meals. Strawberry shortcake pancakes? Chicken noodle soup? Lasagna? Great! Great! Great! But you’re definitely going to need a cute little tray to sit this stuff on to avoid spills.

Pottery Barn, Silver-Plated Breakfast Tray, $99, available at Pottery Barn.

Yeah, so basically the only place you should be spending any extended periods of time outside of your nest during this time is in the bath. Take a good soak in a very, very bubbly bath filled with moisturizing cocoa butter, soy milk, and olive oil.

Lush, Milky Bath Bubble Bar, $7.95, available at Lush.

The world’s most luxurious towels, obviously.

Restoration Hardware, 802-Gram Turkish Bath Towel, from $30 each, available at Restoration Hardware.

This is some next level treat yo’-self shit, but, hey, you deserve it.

Brookstone, Towel Warmer, $99, available at Bed Bath & Beyond.

Okay, so last but not least, in order to really achieve max cozy vibes, you’re going to need a pet for cuddling—dog, cat, rabbit, whatever—preferably wearing little animal pajamas. Like, sorry, I don’t make the rules. If you don’t have one, swing by your local animal shelter ASAP and fix that.

Chicdoggieboutique, Dog pajamas, $35, available from chicdoggieboutique on Etsy.