Music
Lorde Grapples With Pregnancy & Freedom On “Clearblue”
She’s nobody’s daughter — or mother.
Lorde’s new album Virgin is overflowing with themes of independence and rebirth, but on the seventh track “Clearblue,” anxiety takes over as the singer awaits the results of a pregnancy test.
As if the song’s reference to the brand weren’t obvious enough, Lorde addresses the situation head on, leaving no room for debate as she opens the track with the line, “After the ecstasy, testing for pregnancy, praying in MP3.” She delivers the phrase a cappella with only a symphony of harmonies to back her up, as if to replicate the sound of the racing voices in her head.
She moves through the verse with shock, fear, and disbelief, singing:
I’m scared to let you see into the whole machine, leave it all on the field / Your metal detector hits my precious treasure / I'm nobody's daughter / Yeah, baby, I'm free, I'm free / Free, I'm free
Reclaiming one’s freedom is a recurring motif on Virgin, so it’s no surprise why Lorde would reflect on the possibility of losing her newfound autonomy while waiting for an answer.
In the second verse, the 28-year-old prepares convinces herself that she really is pregnant as she prepares for a positive result. She watches the stick intently as she imagines her lover’s DNA altering her insides, saying, “But deep in my matter, you’re changing my patterns / Your helix is right through me.”
Lorde spends the next verse detailing the encounter that led to her to this current moment. Making allusions to oral sex and orgasms she trills, “Lips ‘round your halo, you asked where I came from / I lied and then I come clean.” She replays the climax in her mind: “I feel you answer, my hips moving faster, I rode you until I cried.”
The test comes back negative, and while Lorde doesn’t disclose whether or not this is her desired result, it’s obvious the last few minutes have left her feeling raw and confused.
Wish I’d kept the Clearblue / I’d remember how it feels to / Be so bare in the throes.
Her adrenaline has finally come down — and she never wants to feel this way again.
