42 Holiday Songs, Ranked From Great To Greatest Of All Time

Simply having a wonderful song-ranking time

Whether or not you are one of those people who is really, like, into the holidays should not in any way have an impact on your enjoyment of the best part of this season: the music. Oh, I know what you're thinking, Holiday music is not only corny, it's ubiquitous; there's no escape from it. This is undoubtedly true. But also, there's a reason for that, and the reason is that you shouldn't want to escape from holiday music. You should want to be tied up in it because it is all good. Yes, all of it. Even the worst of it is not bad; it's just less good. But it is still good. Don't believe me? Just try reading through this list of holiday songs, ranked from worst to best (or great to G.O.A.T.), and just see if they don't all make you happy and immediately want to put on the Spotify holiday playlist that you have ready to go December 1 of every year.

42. Paul McCartney, "Wonderful Christmas Time" Despite being the bane of my existence during the period between the day after Thanksgiving and New Year's Eve, this song is still great. ("Great" in the sense that it makes me want to die.)

41. Bing Crosby, "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" It's not so much that this is an amazing song, but admit it, you still know all the words. This makes it kind of great.

40. Weezer, "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" Did you know Weezer had a Christmas album? Now you do. This song is kinda great.

39. The Ventures, "Jingle Bell Rock" Have yourself a very little retro Christmas.

38. Beach Boys, "The Man with All the Toys" Toys are great.

37. Bob Dylan, "Must Be Santa" Dylan's Christmas album is a strange part of his career, to be sure. But he's also the only Nobel Prize winner on this list, so that's pretty great.

36. Justin Bieber and Busta Rhymes, "Drummer Boy" I know what you're thinking, and you're right: What a weird-ass song collab. But it is also great. Especially because this song has a long tradition of inspiring weird-ass collaborations. Need proof? Look directly below.

35. Bing Crosby and David Bowie, "Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth" This song is great because weird things are great. Also great? The video.

34. Willie Nelson and Norah Jones, "Baby It's Cold Outside" No, this song is not problematic. You're wrong. It's great.

33. Brenda Lee, "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree" That retro little Christmas you're having? Keep having it. 

32. Mssrs. Heat and Snow Miser, "Heat Miser Song" Are you a Snow Miser sympathizer or a Heat Miser aficionado? Truly the question of our times. (I'm all about the heat, personally.)

31. Nat King Cole, "The Christmas Song" We can smell the chestnuts now.

30. Low, "Silent Night" So, so beautiful. And a reminder of how embarrassed I used to get when I heard the word "virgin."

29. John Lennon and Yoko Ono, "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)" This is a nice message. It would be pretty great if it ever came true.

28. She & Him, "Silver Bells" This is a pretty song. Pretty songs are pretty great. Pretty!

27. Johnny Cash, "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" Sometimes you need something somber amidst the oppressive cheeriness of the holiday. This is it. It's great.

26. Wham!, "Last Christmas" A very '80s Christmas!

25. Deer Tick, "Holy Sh*t It's Christmas" Have a very 2010 Christmas!

24. Elvis Presley, "Blue Christmas" Let Elvis' voice melt you. Plan a trip to Graceland for 2017. Because what else do you have to look forward to?

23. Run-D.M.C, "Christmas in Hollis" There's no better song to play at a Christmas party. None!

22. Julian Casablancas, "Christmas Treat" I really wish the Strokes had put out a full holiday album. I really do.

21. Vince Guaraldi Trio, "Linus and Lucy" Who needs lyrics when just the opening notes of this can instantly put you in a Christmas frame of mind?

20. Alvin and the Chipmunks, "The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)" Are the Chipmunks annoying? Sure, but so were you when you were a kid. That's what the holidays are all about anyway! Accommodating annoying kids.

19. Judy Garland, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" I dare you not to cry during this song.

18. James Brown, "Santa Claus Go Straight to the Ghetto" Not nearly enough Christmas songs deal with income inequality and how it affects America's youth. Thanks, James Brown!

17. Peter J. Wilhousky, "Carol of the Bells" Listen to this and then watch Home Alone. Read this after.

16. Jackson 5, "Up on the House Top" There should be more Christmas songs that just make you want to dance.

15. Eartha Kitt, "Santa Baby" Make Christmas purr-fect by listening to Eartha Kitt list her Christmas needs.

14. James Brown, "Merry Christmas I Love You" More James Brown? Yes. It's Christmas. Treat yourself.

13. Frank Sinatra, "I'll Be Home for Christmas" Alternate listening to this and number 18, and you will never stop crying.

12. Mahalia Jackson, "O Holy Night" Legendary. It gives me chills every single time.

11. The Kinks, "Father Christmas" Robin Hood Santa! What's not to like? Santa is probably a socialist after all, and he looks really good in red.

10. Sufjan Stevens, “Did I Make You Cry On Christmas Day? (Well, You Deserved It)” Honesty in a Christmas song? And no sentimentality? How great.

9. The Waitresses, "Christmas Wrapping" Absolutely infectious and, much like the experience of actually wrapping presents, much longer than you'd think it would be.

8. Otis Redding, "White Christmas" Otis does the best rendition of this Christmas classic of all time.

7. The Pogues, "Fairytale of New York" This song is never not a perfect Christmas song, but the lyrics are more meaningful this year than ever before.

6. Ramones, "Merry Christmas (I Don't Want To Fight Tonight)" Christmas is no time for fighting. Be like the Ramones this year. Christmas really isn't a time for breaking hearts.

5. John Prine, "Christmas in Prison" Maybe you've never heard this one before? Change that now. It's great.

4. Fiona Apple, "The Christmas Song - Trump's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire" A new classic!

3. Bruce Springsteen, "Merry Christmas Baby" Every single thing about this song, from Bruce's enthusiasm to Clarence's sax solos, should make you smile and feel happy to be alive. Yes! The sound of a sax will give you life. Only at Christmas guys. (And only when it's Clarence.)

2. Darlene Love, "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" Darlene Love can do no wrong, and in this song, she does absolutely everything right. It would be the greatest of all time if it weren't for...

1. Mariah Carey, "All I Want for Christmas Is You" This is a perfect song. No question: G.O.A.T.