Gwyneth Paltrow thinks you should steam your vagina. “You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al. It is an energetic release—not just a steam douche—that balances female hormone levels,” she writes on her blog, exuberantly, of the Mugworth V-Steam at a Korean spa.
OK, fine, but do you always do what Gwyneth tells you to? (Don’t answer that.)
While the promise of an “energetic release” is enticing, we’re not sure that a steamy throne is necessarily where we’d go for one, especially when there are other options like, you know, vibrators for a tried and true experience. That being said, we’re curious about this steam-cleaning your uterus thing. If you can call it a thing. Is this a thing?!
According to the experts, no. No, it is not a thing. Dr. Jen Gunter, a board certified OB/GYN, writes on her blog, “The vagina (and uterus and vulva for that matter) should be viewed as self-cleaning ovens.” So, we don’t actually need steam to clean ’em out. And, what’s more, she says that steam can’t actually just travel from your vag to your uterus. And even if it could, it wouldn’t absorb: Steam, apparently, doesn’t meet medical qualifications for things that can absorb into your vagina. What it could do, though, is disrupt your delicate, natural vaginal ecosystem. (It’s the Ferngully of your body!) And why in the world would you want to do that?
So, please take note: Just because Gwyneth’s vagina is steamier than yours doesn’t mean it’s superior. If anything, it probably means her lactobacilli levels have been harmed. Goop, indeed.