Photo via Twitter @Outback

Saturday Satanic Conspirancy: Outback Steakhouse Pentagrams And Chrissy Teigen’s Bloomin’ Onions


by Lisa Eppich

Okay, stay with us on this one. Twitter user @eatmyaesthetics

on Thursday connecting some of the Outback Steakhouses in New York, Indiana, Georgia, and Arizona:

It is unclear why this person needed to map Outbacks in various states but boy howdy are we grateful because it uncovered a SATANIC CONSPIRACY. All Outback Steakhouses are apparently connected in a pentagram-shape, which some Twitter users think is part of a larger occult operation. Shame on us for not seeing their reasonably-priced meats and onion abominations for what they really were all this time. The chain

showing their plot for further expansion:

Oh, we have not even begun to plot twist. Chrissy Teigen recently invited Outback Steakhouse into her own home, where her child lives, so she and husband John Legend could learn how to make the chain's devilishly crisp Bloomin' Onion. The model first made her wishes known on Twitter, where she first asked if anyone had ever successfully made a Bloomin' Onion at home. Outback was all too happy to oblige and even brought the family black Outback Steakhouse chef's coats which, everyone knows, is the color of the devil. 

The thing is, should we be surprised? Teigen and Legend are friends with Beyoncé and Jay-Z, two of Hollywood's most prominent Illuminati figures. It still remains to be seen what all of this means, except that Outback is planning something horrific an oniony and now has celebrity backing. For now, it is best to remain calm and stay vigilant at all times. It may even pay to scope out your local Outback Steakhouse for intel and research. You may need to order a Bloomin' Onion. Do not be alarmed and do not let them know you're on to them. Do I want a second Bloomin' Onion? Well, research...