A Teary-Eyed Ronda Rousey Reveals She Was Suicidal After Her First Loss

“What am I anymore if I’m not this?”

Ronda Rousey showed up on Ellen to talk abour her historic Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover, but before she could get to that joyous event, host Ellen DeGeneres asked the star MMA fighter to relive her shocking defeat suffered last November at the clenched fists of Holly Holm. Until now, Rousey had not spoken in-depth about the painful end of the undefeated streak that made her a global phenomenon, and it's clear why. The loss left such a devastating emotional impact that at one point, immediately following the loss, Rousey considered suicide. "Honestly, my thought I was like, in the medical room and I was down in the corner," a teary-eyed Rousey told DeGeneres. "I was sitting in the corner like, What am I anymore if I’m not this? And I was literally sitting there and thinking about killing myself at that exact second."

Rousey's saving grace was the presence of her boyfriend, mixed martial artist Travis Browne. “I just looked up at him and I was just like I need to have his babies, I need to stay alive,” she said. Afterward, DeGeneres asked Rousey about her future plans, and let's just say that Holly Holm might wanna watch out. Watch the emotional and empowering exchange above.