6 Magic Spells to Help You Get Over your Ex

    magical healing

    by elizabeth koke · October 22, 2015

    illustrations by liz riccardi

    Did that Blood Moon Eclipse last month leave you with a fresh breakup? It happens. Fall has been known to invite in all kinds of transitions. But nursing a broken heart, even when you know that breaking up is for the best, is never a fun time. But it also can be a really exciting moment to focus on self-care and creativity. Here are some magical things you can do to help yourself let go of old ties and welcome in new beginnings when you find yourself in breakup land.

    Energy-Clearing Ritual:

    First, get rid of all of your ex’s belongings that are left behind in your space. Objects and spaces can hold energy, and clearing that energy after a breakup is essential. Have a mutual friend take away items your ex might want back, and throw out what’s left (or donate when appropriate! I once knew someone who donated all of her ex’s shirts to Good Will). Throw out love notes and delete emails and texts that take up psychic space in your brain. If getting rid of these correspondences seems impossible, or if you think you might need this evidence for a future therapy session, file them away in a folder or box, and then hand over that box or upload that folder to a trusted friend to hold onto. Next, clean your apartment/house/room thoroughly. Vacuum and dust and wash any clothing and linens with your ex’s energy on them.

    Once your place is clean, take a few minutes to breathe and feel grounded and connected to the Earth. Set your intention. Light a white candle and ask the Universe and your spirit guides for support in clearing your space of all negative energy that might be holding you back. Burn some sage or Palo Santo (Morphologically’s Purify infused Palo Santo sticks are perfect for this!) and let the smoke envelope you. Then walk around your space and make sure the smoke travels to every corner and crevice, including inside closets. If you want to do a super deep cleanse, close your windows and doors, and leave the Palo Santo burning for 15-20 minutes. Then open windows and doors and let fresh air and light in. You’ll be amazed by how different your space feels! You can set your candle somewhere safe and leave it burning until it burns out.

    Spell for Letting Go:

    The full moon is a good time to set the intention of letting go. The energy of the waning moon will help you release feelings that do not serve you. On the full moon, light a candle and welcome in the energy of the Universe, your spirit guides, and your inner goddess. On a piece of paper, write down what you want to let go of. It can be a relationship, certain feelings or expectations, or negative thought patterns. Hold the paper over the flame and let it burn. As it burns say “I release that which does not serve me. So mote it be.” After your paper has been burned, you might dip your hands in a bowl of water to symbolize a clean start. As the moon wanes in the coming days, offer gratitude for all of the support systems and relationships in your life, which allow you to let go without fear.

    Vision Board or Manifestation Spell:

    Post-breakup can be a really special time when we get to assess our priorities, goals, and visions for the future. An activity that can help with both freeing up and focusing creative energy is creating a vision board (or you can make vision flashcards, which are great because you can carry them in your purse for when you feel a subway cry coming on). Gather some art supplies—poster board or index cards, scissors, glue, tape, and a bunch of various kinds of magazines, or your Google Image search bar, if you are hooked up to a color printer. Think about each aspect of your life you want to improve, or the things you want to manifest. This could be a promotion or a new job, the completion of a creative project, strong friendships, health and fitness, new adventures—whatever inspires you. Set each intention as you search for images that relate to these goals and put together your image board or cards. Think about affirmations for each of these goals as well. For example, “I will manifest my dream job.” or “I will be surrounded with loving and supportive friends.” Each day, look at your vision collages and recite these affirmations. It is especially great to do this project on a New Moon and recite the affirmation each day while the moon is waxing. This will help strengthen your vision as these desires and goals come into focus.

    Rose Quartz Friendship Ritual:

    So you’ve cleaned your space, and are going through the motions. Maybe you are focusing extra hard at work, or exercising more to get through the breakup blues. But nothing is able to hold you together when grief comes creeping in unexpectedly upon hearing your ex’s favorite song in a coffee shop, or seeing a lookalike on the street. This is when I reach for crystal power!

    I keep a few stones in my pocket or purse at all times, and holding onto one helps me calm the f*ck down. Rose quartz is known as the love crystal, for its power in matters of the heart, including when it comes to healing and protection. So pick up some nice pieces of rose quartz, one for each of your close friends. Wash them with sea salt and cold water to cleanse their energy, and leave them on the windowsill under the light of the full moon so that they can be super-charged. Then gather your friends together and cast a circle with the rose quartz in the middle. Take turns passing the stones clockwise around the circle, and as each person holds each stone in her hands, she should set an intention for one of the members of the circle. By the end of the ritual, you and each of your friends will have their own piece of magic quartz infused with personalized love and energy. Plus the very act of sharing some of your own love energy with your friends will help you remember how awesome and powerful you are.

    Self-Love Spell:

    This one comes from Llewellyn, the wonderful New Age publisher that shares a spell-a-day on their website! For this you will need: A pen, rice paper, rose water, sea salt, lavender, incense, and a pink candle. Make four separate lists of things you like about yourself, one for each element, and write them down on four pieces of rice paper. For earth, list what you like about your physical body, not just how it looks but also how it feels and what it does. For example, “I love that my hands can knit,” or “I love that my hips can dance.” For air, list what you like about your mind. Include any areas of knowledge in which you are experts. For fire, list achievements and creativity. For water, list what you like about your social skills and relationships. Fill your bathtub and add some rose water. Add half a cup of sea salt to the bath. Dip your earth list and watch the ink dissolve. Light some lavender incense, and dip your air list into the bath. Light a pink candle, and dip your fire list into the bath. Finally, dip your water list in the bath. Soak in the tub for at least 20 minutes and feel yourself soaking up your self-love!

    Attracting New Love Spell:

    Woo-hoo! You are feeling clear-headed, and well-rested, and supported by friends, full of love for yourself, and open to new romance. Each night when the moon is waxing (meaning, growing larger toward the full moon), light a pink candle. Take some deep breaths and focus on being open to romance, setting the intention for the kind of lover who allows you to be your entire self. Starhawk in The Spiral Dance gives instructions for making herbal charms which you can wear or keep on your altar. Here are the instructions to make the charm used to attract love: “Use a circle of rose-colored or red (for more sexually passionate love) cloth. Fill it with acacia flowers, myrtle, rose petals or buds, jasmine flowers, and lavender. Add a red felt heart and a copper coin or ring. Tie it with blue thread or ribbon, in seven knots.” Once you’ve created the charm, you will want to charge it with the four elements. Cast a circle, calling in the four corners. Then breathe on it to charge it with air, pass it through a candle flame to charge it with fire, sprinkle it with water, and then dip it into salt to charge it with earth. Then hold it and charge it with your own energy, visualizing new love for yourself. Ex? What ex?

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